What to do during adversity? Most of the time I think of decisions I've made. Generally always the wrong ones. Would it have been smarter to get in the situation three months earlier and without a second loan?
The last month has been a roller coaster of adversity. I've found myself mostly responding badly. The answers seemed logical, but all turned out to be the wrong thing. What happens when you have such a colossal string of bad decisions? It's been mentally defeating. The debt I'd paid off this year returned in a matter of days, despite my best attempts to get rid of it. One step forward, one entire year back. Right back to the beginning. Did I mention I hate cars? I really do.
This is 5 years in a row of cars that can't seem to last a year. And around Christmas time every single time. I feel hopeless and helpless. Part of me wonders about fate. Part wonders about things I can't control. Part goes back to the old ideas of God teaching people lessons. Part goes to the Millionaire Next Door. Part goes to blame. Part goes to self blame.
It's a cycle I don't seem to be able to break. I don't understand the causes or effects. I keep repeating the same lesson over and over again.
Tired of the lesson.
Must find myself so I can drag myself out of the mud hole. Just have to find the right mud hole.
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