Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Defeated

What to do during adversity?  Most of the time I think of decisions I've made.  Generally always the wrong ones.  Would it have been smarter to get in the situation three months earlier and without a second loan?

The last month has been a roller coaster of adversity.  I've found myself mostly responding badly.  The answers seemed logical, but all turned out to be the wrong thing.  What happens when you have such a colossal string of bad decisions?  It's been mentally defeating.  The debt I'd paid off this year returned in a matter of days, despite my best attempts to get rid of it.  One step forward, one entire year back.  Right back to the beginning.  Did I mention I hate cars?  I really do.

This is 5 years in a row of cars that can't seem to last a year.  And around Christmas time every single time.  I feel hopeless and helpless.  Part of me wonders about fate.  Part wonders about things I can't control.  Part goes back to the old ideas of God teaching people lessons.  Part goes to the Millionaire Next Door.  Part goes to blame.  Part goes to self blame.  

It's a cycle I don't seem to be able to break.  I don't understand the causes or effects.  I keep repeating the same lesson over and over again.  

Tired of the lesson.


Must find myself so I can drag myself out of the mud hole.  Just have to find the right mud hole.

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