Defeated

What to do during adversity?  Most of the time I think of decisions I've made.  Generally always the wrong ones.  Would it have been smarter to get in the situation three months earlier and without a second loan?

The last month has been a roller coaster of adversity.  I've found myself mostly responding badly.  The answers seemed logical, but all turned out to be the wrong thing.  What happens when you have such a colossal string of bad decisions?  It's been mentally defeating.  The debt I'd paid off this year returned in a matter of days, despite my best attempts to get rid of it.  One step forward, one entire year back.  Right back to the beginning.  Did I mention I hate cars?  I really do.

This is 5 years in a row of cars that can't seem to last a year.  And around Christmas time every single time.  I feel hopeless and helpless.  Part of me wonders about fate.  Part wonders about things I can't control.  Part goes back to the old ideas of God teaching people lessons.  Part goes to the Millionaire Next Door.  Part goes to blame.  Part goes to self blame.  

It's a cycle I don't seem to be able to break.  I don't understand the causes or effects.  I keep repeating the same lesson over and over again.  

Tired of the lesson.

Must find myself so I can drag myself out of the mud hole.  Just have to find the right mud hole.

Back to SNMP and other things

I used to hate SNMP.  I’m not sure I still don’t.  It’s been annoying to set up.  I’m still fighting with SNMPWALK on SNMPv3 and getting data from a Cisco router and switch. Eh well. I’ll get into that at some other point.  

I have to admit Cacti was one of the better than I thought it could be.  I followed the right instructions and have started doing some SNMP polling and producing some decently relevant graphs on information someone in IT would think could be important.  Luckily, I happened to set it up on a site that had Internet issues later that day.  It worked out great because I ended up diagnosing the issue while trying to connect to my Cacti web page.  Turns out there was interference on the network in the area and the site was dropping about 18% of packets.  Which explains why they were having network connection issues. 

 The other thing I keep looking and thinking about is network security.  Which seems to be something everyone says they need, but no one does anything about.  I pissed off a networking vendor because I told the person I wanted three single purpose servers instead of one multipurpose server.  Everything I've ever read on servers says one purpose per server.  Don't end up with a multipurpose server. 

Eventually, the server needs replaced.  And then you have numerous tools that need replaced or fixed in order to solve all the problems you used with that server.  I mean sure, the RADIUS / print / file server / new thing part two server is great.  But wouldn't it be simpler to have a RADIUS server that does nothing but RADIUS authentication.  Or a print server that does nothing but handle printing.  And then, when you need to upgrade that server you take down one function.  Instead of the 25 different things running on one server.  

I guess the second part of that conversation is "don't turn on any service that you don't need" on a server.  Great.  That's a lot simpler with a single purpose server.  The print server doesn't need to do anything but print.  The file server needs fat bandwidth to reach it, and that's about it.  Virtualize it all.  It's not like you need a physical server for all that.  

But what do I know?  

Exoneration

Let's talk about exoneration for a minute.  Exoneration is the idea that I can do something for a period, and then quit doing it forever.  The concept is usually introduced when talking about money or fitness, but it's generally used all throughout life.

The mindset is generally this: if I can make it to X, then I won't have to do this sacrifice ever again.

The X factor is always different, based on the mental picture that has developed.  But it's all based on the concept of exoneration.  And the hard part is there is no point of exoneration.  Almost never.

Yet people reach endlessly for the exoneration point.  I'm not saying you shouldn't reach.  What I'm saying is you can't ever quit.  Because if you quit, you go back to being what you were before you started.  Dieting is generally a big exoneration subject.  The key to success with diet and exercise is a long term plan.

You are not going to fix whatever problem you have with your weight or health in three weeks.  It's just not going to happen.  You can take almost anyone and put them on an exercise plan for three weeks, and they'll lose weight.  Why?  Because they weren't putting in any effort before.  But long term, the weight loss will stop or slow down.  Then the person will quit, and regain everything they lost.

Several months later, the same person will find a new "quick fix" and proceed to quick fix and lose 20 pounds.  Then the new will wear off, and then 20 pounds will recover.  My wife found a book that was talking about clients losing over 100 pounds.  Except it was the same 20 pounds over and over again.

Most multilevel marketing plans are sold as exoneration plans.  I'm not saying they are not worth the income if you can get them to succeed.  But they are sold as quick fixes in a world that needs long term solutions.

Quit trying for exoneration.  It doesn't work.  There is never a point at which you get to quit doing what you've been doing.

Unless you don't like what you are doing.  You do like what you are doing, right?

Before work, kitchen table thoughts

I came up with an idea to teach my kids reading.  They are 5, 4, and 1.  I know I want to teach all three of them the same way.  That means I'll be repeating the same content three times.

The computer part of me says rebuilding the same content three times is ridiculous.  And it is.  So all I have to do is build the content the correct way once, and then start the next kid on their lesson.  In many ways, I think Khan Academy is revolutionary in the academic space.  I would love to see something like that for English.

The program I'm writing is based on Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Steps by Siegfried Engelmann.  It's been a pretty awesome book so far, even though I've only made it through lesson 20 with my oldest child.

So the goal is to create something like Khan Academy for English, based on Englemann.  It's going to be interesting.

Kitchen Table

It's formica, and it's my kitchen table.  At least it doesn't look like it came from 1999.  Maybe 1975.

Maybe I should spend more than 5 minutes on the background.

Or, I could go back to studying Scaling Networks.

Back to studying.

why....

Why do I go to church?

Because Jesus is there.

And if he's not, you are going to the wrong church.

Seriously.

If you don't feel the presence of Jesus at your church, there's a problem.  It's probably your church.  It might be you.  You'd best investigate.


Also....

The blue background seems to come straight out of the Matrix.   1999 called.  They want their meme back.

Circling the globe (the thoughts in my head)

I went on vacation this last week.  I didn’t spend any time working.  It was wonderful.  Now, it’s Saturday and I’m back to getting ready for work.  The mental processes are starting to grind away, and get back to what I was working on.  At the moment, I’m updating Visual Studio so I can work on the program I was writing in C#.  I know I’ve heard a lot of disparaging things about C#, but I’m not terribly concerned.  There are too many purists in the world. 

C# is a tool.  Nothing more.  If it’s not the tool you need for the job, then don’t use C#.  C++ is a tool.  Java is a tool.  Visual Basic is a tool.  They are all tools.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

Each tool out there has a specific use, and some tools are better for certain applications.  I can’t say C# is any better a tool than Java in this case, but it’s a tool I can manipulate easier.  I also spend a lot less time fighting the interface and more time working on what I’m interested in working on.  As such, the thing already reads XML files, runs threads, and generally works like I want it to.  It’s not complete by any means, but it’s on its way there. 

In the period since I started writing this (it’s been about a week) I read Seth Godin’s Small in the New Big.  It’s quite a remarkable book, and there’s a lot I’d like to say about it.  I’m really not sure what to say, though.  There truly has been a paradigm shift and in the world, and those trying to follow the old paradigm seem to be getting left behind.  It’s much easier to follow the new paradigm.

But what is the new paradigm?  I think the answer is release early, release often, and benchmark everything.  Quit trying to make something perfect, and make something you can release. 

So I think I’m going to go with that, and make something I can release.  I’ve already started working on it, but it’s neither groundbreaking nor amazing.  But it’s something. 

When you release often, you end up basically throwing a lot of stuff up, and hoping some of it sticks.  I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me.  If I release something in the next month or so, then I’m doing better than I have in the last few years.  Too much thinking and trying to come up with the perfect idea.  Too little time releasing. 

I think I also realized the background for the past few months (maybe a year) has been chemistry related.  I like the picture, but this has nothing to do with chemistry.  I should probably change that.